Looking Back

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Looking Back - Moving Forward

After a unplanned break from blogging (and a few other things in life.) I'm trying to get back into a routine and trying to find my voice again. I've made it a habit to keep this blog and my real job separate for a couple of reason - first I'm a consultant so I feel an obligation to my client's business private and, more importantly, my job is the kind that has the ability to take over my entire life if I'm not careful and keeping it out of this blog leaves me a job-free creative outlet. I'm going to see if I can skate a fine line with this post and talk about work without actually talking about it.

A friend asked me a week ago after I shared some of what I'd been up to in Istanbul over the past two months if I took the time to journal or write down some of the things I'd learned, because it was one of the periods in my life where I experienced a lot of growth. I realized that this is the only place where I actual take the time keep any sort of a record so here goes nothing.

I spent the last three months in Istanbul working on a project with impossible deadlines and immense pressure - and I was the project's team leader. We joked about how the project felt a bit like climbing Everest: impossible, exhausting, dangerous and strangely exhilarating. I didn't sleep much and each morning I started the day with a prayer that I was up to the challenges I'd face that day.

I don't think I've ever worked this hard, been under so much pressure or had so much responsibility. It was scary and empowering. I walked away feeling like I could take on the world and like I could sleep for a week (which I did.) I've always carefully filtered myself and my opinions, waiting to make sure when I said something I wouldn't make too many waves, worried a lot about having everyone like me - not necessarily bad traits, but traits that can be somewhat limiting. I felt like surviving this period I broke free, I feel like I've found the confidence to be myself and if people like that great, if not, I don't feel the need to try and be something else just to make them happier or more comfortable.

I'm not sure that lesson will always stick - but just having that realisation once in my life is pretty powerful. And I hope I can always reflect back to how amazing it felt to just be true to myself and not to try and mold myself into whatever it is I think people want me to be. Starting 2013 on a high is an incredible feeling.

Hey Marseilles - Looking Back
"If you're looking back you'll never move your feet"

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Lyrical Musing: Rio

Hey Marseilles - Rio Pin It